How do I stop comparing myself to others?

I’ve fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others so many times. It’s so deeply frustrating because you don’t really realise you’re doing it until you’re in too deep and are already beating yourself up about your ‘shortcomings’.

Social media, unfortunately, has exacerbated this problem. People share their best, most interesting photos, so everything you see is the creme of the creme, and NOT their everyday life.

Still, being surrounded by so many images and posts makes it very difficult to filter out the real from the higlights.

Here are a few ideas to help you stop comparing yourself to others:

1. If it’s a specific person, just stop following them on social media. If you start to feel bad every time you see someone’s pictures, you need to cut yourself out of the loop or it will never end.
2. Fill your feed with positivity. If you’re feeling bad about a specific thing (let’s say you feel like everyone else has longer legs, or that all your friends are better writers than you are), try to fill your social media feeds with positive vibes. Choose accounts that will make you feel good, and help you to accept and learn to love yourself. Choose body positivity, feminism, entrepreneurship groups, writer communities, and creative circles. Don’t spend all your time following models and Instagram sensations.
3. Spend more time thinking about yourself. If you are surrounded by images of other people achieving things, it’s bound to make you feel bad, especially if you aren’t sure about what you want. Try to take some time to think about what YOU want to achieve. What do you see in your future? How do you want to grow? What kinds of activities do you want to engage in? Little by little, you’ll start to make it more about you, and less about them.
4. Look deeper. Try to think about why you’re feeling insecure. What specifically about the person or people you’re worrying about is getting to you? Is it something you can work on? Is it something you feel frustrated about but need to accept? Do you feel like you’ll need help to feel better about it? Think about how you can tackle it pragmatically and ask for help, if you need it. For example, if you’re feeling really bad that all the people around you seem to be getting jobs and moving on with life, think about whether it’s something that you want, and then think about what you can do to change it. It’s also important to acknowledge that it’s useless to have a job in a ‘Instagram worthy/glamorous’ field if you don’t enjoy it. The more you learn about what you really want and why it’s bothering you, the better you’ll cope.
5. Spend time alone. When you spend time alone you learn how to function without all the noise created by other people. You learn to accept yourself, and you learn that what everyone else is doing is in no way the benchmark for what you should be doing. Try travelling alone, spending some time in cafés, or even just going for a walk to clear your head. It may take some time, but it will help.
6. Be kind to yourself and others. Kindness is contagious. The more you do for other people, the more you’ll want to do for yourself. This works the other way around too. Start focusing on filling your life with positive, kind actions, and you’ll start to notice that you will pit yourself up less against other people and start to appreciate yourself more. I’ve had plenty of times when I felt that someone was more talented, beautiful, and all-round great than I was. But mulling over that endlessly didn’t help. Instead, I tried to give more love and engage with the people around me. Not only did it help me feel more positive but it also felt like my internal ‘beauty’ was pouring out of me and etching itself into my external life. Suddenly, I didn’t care as much about whether I was as pretty or talented as my peers, since I was establishing good relationships and giving positive energy to the world in my own right. I also noticed that when you truly try to be a better person, people start to see it and appreciate you more. Comparison isn’t the answer. Being kind and thoughtful is.
7. Action. If it’s other people’s achievements that are blocking you, the best way forward is to act. If there are ideas and dreams that you want to chase, looking at other people and comparing yourself will never be the answer. Instead, try to act first, think/compare later. If your insecurity is based on that niggling feeling that you want to do more with yourself, this should help you combat it. If it’s just based on everyone else being ‘better’ than you, though, you should try to separate the idea of achieving something and being ‘better’. Find out what your definition of success is. If there’s a goal in there somewhere, taking action will help because it could be that you’re only feeling bad based on not having done the things that you wanted to do . If there isn’t, then try to dig deeper as to why you’re equating someone’s achievements as being an indicator that they are ‘happier’ or more ‘successful’ than you.